Manifesting a Better Sex Life

Manifestation

Make no mistake, you can have it all — indeed, if you want to know how to get what you want, well, manifestation is the way that you can do this.

The past has no bearing on the future. Unless you allow it to....

The past has no bearing on the future. Unless you allow it to…. you can plan for a better future and bring it about by manifesting it with visualization.

So what does manifestation mean? Well, it’s the process of manifesting whatever you want in the physical world by the power of your mind.

When I say “manifesting in the physical world”, I’m not just talking about physical objects, I’m also talking about the possibility of manifesting spiritual or emotional events such as a better relationship.

This seems hard to believe to many people, but it’s worth remembering that manifestation has been around for millennia — apparently it was even being used by the ancient Egyptians!

But whether you believe the ancient Egyptians had the power to manifest reality or not, if you think about the course of history, you will realize that there have been many individuals with remarkable powers: think of Jesus, Buddha, and other sages and mystics alike, who impressed the people around them by being them to create reality in accordance with their will.

If at first you dont succeed, never give up!

If at first you don’t succeed, never give up!

But of course the interesting reality behind this is that you don’t need to be a sage or mystic to use the process of manifestation — which is controlled by the Laws of Attraction — all you need, in fact, is the ability to send a powerful energy into the world using the power of your mind.

This site has completely demonstrated the qualities necessary for manifesting anything successfully — to be brief, they are intense desire, absolute belief, complete expectancy, and the firm yet action in the world.

Now for those of us who are accustomed to living a life that perhaps could be considered slightly deprived or at least, to put it another way, perhaps not as beneficient as we would like, the concept of us being responsible for everything that comes to us, and indeed responsible for the kind of life we manifest around us, is possibly a stretch too far.

Yet think about it: would we have been given the gifts that we have been given by called if we were not entitled to use them for our benefit?

Of course we are entitled to use the natural innate tendencies abilities of our subconscious minds to connect with the universal energy and manifest whatever we want world. It seems obvious to me that we would not have this power if we were not intended to use it.

And since there are certain other innate human qualities, such as the desire to be in relationship, or the desire to connect with people socially, it seems all so obvious to me that we can (and should) combine our natural gifts and talents and use the power we have to manifest reality especially in the service of our desire to be in relationship.

Furthermore, we can also use the same mental system — which in essence is the system for controlling the world by the power emanating from our minds — to improve the quality of our sex lives and our sexual relationships on an intimate level.

I have written much on this website about delayed ejaculation, so I’d like to make the point, if indeed it needs making, that delayed ejaculation is a symptom of mental or emotional complexes [it’s usually, we believe, based on anger, shame or guilt, or perhaps in some cases rage], which prevents a man from reaching the level of arousal necessary for him to ejaculate during intercourse.

Yet by using mental imagery in exactly the way that we use visualization to manifest man has the power to end the burden of delayed ejaculation.

You are the master of the universe and the guardian of your soul

You are the master of the universe and the guardian of your soul

He might do this, for example, by visualizing himself becoming more and more aroused, or by perhaps visualizing a harmonious relationship with his sexual partner.

Needless to say, the exact form of the visualization that is necessary to overcome the problems of ejaculation delay will be difficult to define here since they are different in each case.

Nonetheless with a little thought, perhaps the help of wise counselor, a man who is sufficiently determined can use visual observation to establish connection with his partner — and that will lead to higher arousal and hopefully better intercourse.

It follows, I hope you can see, that not only can visualization techniques like this be used to overcome the delayed ejaculation, but they can also be used to overcome situations like premature ejaculation.

Once again, premature ejaculation is emotionally based, the product of emotional wounds and issues which reside in the subconscious, out of conscious awareness.

What this means in practice is that by addressing the activity of the subconscious mind using visualization, it’s entirely possible to “reprogram” it so that ejaculation is not precipitated by high levels of fear, anxiety or anger.

At this juncture I don’t intend to say more about this, but I would like to make the point that these methods are well worth exploring if you feel that you willing to take your sexual pleasure into your own hands and become a more responsible and committed lover.

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Delayed Ejaculation

An important point that needs to be clarified is that orgasm or the sensation of reaching a climax during sex is a cerebral episode – it’s actually something that takes place in your brain, notwithstanding the overwhelming physical pleasures that are also experienced.

When sexual partners try to focus on the idea of delayed ejaculation, they generally tend to wrongly equate these 2 separate occurrences with each other.

Contrary to conventional notions, orgasm and ejaculation are 2 entirely different events!

Conversely, ejaculation is a reflex reaction that is induced by persistent pleasurable physical contact to the male organ and other pleasure points elsewhere in the body.

Science has not yet identified the exact location orgasmic pleasure occurs inside the brain, but we do know a significant lot about the synaptic mechanisms by which the physical function of ejaculation is triggered.

There are competing viewpoints but one conclusion is that when erotic pleasure gets to a certain threshold, the flow of ejaculatory fluids into the farthest point of the the urethra concentrates the pressure at the base of the penis, and this consequently results in a whole set of physical responses including flexing of the pubococcygeal muscle.

Ejaculation is governed by the autonomic nervous system, while gradually heightening erotic pleasure during sex is confined to the sympathetic nervous system.

Delayed ejaculation has been known to the medical profession for years now, and evolution of the terminology used to identify this peculiar function most likely mirrors in some part, the medical profession’s evolving understanding of this function: ejaculatory incompetence, ejaculatory over-control, retarded ejaculation, and finally delayed ejaculation.

These are names that represent, from my point of view, a new and increasingly sympathetic attitude for the men whose sex lives are diminished by their inability to ejaculate in a timely way during sex.

The thing that’s particularly puzzling to researchers is that most of these men are able to ejaculate without any apparent difficulty when they are pleasuring themselves.

This fact has led many scientists to conclude that there might be some relationship issues associated with the inability to achieve orgasm and ejaculate in the course of engaging in sexual intercourse.

Naturally, one must exercise an ample dose of skepticism when seeking an explanation in the relationship between sexual partners.

It’s naturally probable that a man’s apparent inability to ejaculate during oral sex with a partner, intercourse with a partner, or even masturbation by a partner, could only mean that there’s nothing in these activities that can compare to the higher level of pleasure that an individual may be accustomed to perform on his own organ while pleasuring himself.

Certainly, anyone can get physically accustomed to react to higher levels of stimulation, so it’s inherently logical to establish whether or not the problem in ejaculating simply lies in the fact that the man on his own, can apply hard, firm, or high-frequency stroking during self stimulation, in a manner that is not mirrored during actual sex with a partner. See www.women-coming-first.com for more information.

If the problem is, in fact, triggered by a simple incompatibility in techniques, the remedy will be in the form of a physical retraining of the body, the sex organ and the mind, to react to much more gentle stimulation of the kind that can bring about a climax during sexual activity.

As is often the case, therapists and counsellors often take the view that the internal dynamics is the real cause of the problem.

And it might as well be. In my years of working as a therapist, I’ve come across sex partners who have become increasingly hostile to each other and have diminished intimacy to such a degree that the man no longer enjoys sex, but in fact resents it, whilst simultaneously finding himself powerless to communicate with his spouse or partner and start a rational dialogue to find the resolution of these problems.

Moreover, even without hostility, anger, or any other emotion on the part of the male towards his partner, there is, as some studies show, a particular kind of individual who is often a natural sufferer of delayed ejaculation.

Based on the most current research journals, this individual type is quite likely a person who is in some way strangely unaware of his own process of sexual arousal, who is often unable to realize just how aroused he is during sexual activity, who regards sex with his partner as a duty that he needs to perform, who sees his partner’s pleasure during sexual intercourse as his own responsibility, and who is convinced that the woman’s pleasure must come before his own and is the priority during sex. These persons often, whether intentionally or not, perceive themselves as the “workhorse of sex”, labouring away (often against all the odds) to steer the sexual intercourse to a successful climax.

It is also observable that most of the partners of men in this situation are often disinterested about sex, and have an expectation that the man is implicitly obligated to bring them sexual pleasure.

In fact, they should be without a doubt responsible for their own pleasure. In instances like this, it’s absolutely essential to help and re-educate the sex partners and give them some useful sexual information. Approached in this manner, their ideas and beliefs around sex and sexual gratification can be brought closer to reality.

Finally, it has been observed that men who have this type of subservient sexual profile generally lack solid grasp of their personal level of pleasure. In a very real sense, there seems to be a certain disconnect, or a veritable vacuum, in their sexual experience, so that they have rendered dependent their own process of sexual pleasure with the external dynamics of having sexual activity with a partner.

What can be deduced from all these is that their own erotic world somehow doesn’t function as a source of sexual stimulus and pleasure: they are left in a sort of sexual limbo where they are trying to have sex with a partner without all the emotional and physical tools that are important for the sex act to be an enjoyable and intimate exercise.

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Sexual Techniques

Coital Alignment Technique

Best Sex Positions

Best Sex Positions to Give A Woman An Orgasm

Best ways to pleasure a woman sexually

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Delayed Ejaculation

Delayed ejaculation is a surprisingly common sexual dysfunction affecting many men, perhaps as many as one man in 20 in the general population. It consists of the inability to ejaculate in a timely way during intercourse, and sometimes even during partnered masturbation or solo masturbation.

The causes remain somewhat unclear even now, after years of research and development of new treatment methods, but it’s fair to say that in general men experience either an inadequate level of sexual stimulation, or they have some emotional factors at work which inhibit their ability to reach the point of ejaculation.

It’s been suggested many times in the past that inhibition of sexual desire can be caused by emotional factors at work in the subconscious – such as anger and hostility towards women, shame and guilt around sex, and anxiety about sexual performance. A qualified sex therapist can assist a man in examining these issues and considering how his beliefs about sex and his own performance during intercourse with a partner can be improved or adapted so that he sees himself as sexually more competent.

But if he is suffering from an inhibition of sexual arousal and desire, it’s essential to address this as well: this might be done, for example, by helping the man to identify orgasm triggers that increase his sexual arousal dramatically. These might include using a particular fantasy during intercourse, nipple stimulation, anal stimulation or some other individual stimulus that takes a man towards the point of ejaculatory inevitability more rapidly.

Other factors that cause delayed ejaculation include traumatic masturbatory syndrome, which arises when a man has habitually masturbated using a hard and fast technique that desensitizes the penile nerves to physical stimulation. However it’s important to understand that it has also been suggested that this form of masturbation is actually a way of dealing with low sexual arousal in the first place: in other words, the cause of delayed ejaculation is not the harsh penile stimulation, but the man’s lack of sexual arousal.

In this frame of reference, the harsh way of stimulating the penis becomes a method of overcoming low sexual arousal and actually achieving orgasm. In either event, it’s obvious that sexual intercourse will never provide the same level of stimulation to the penis that this type of masturbation does, and for this reason it is important for a man who is seeking delayed ejaculation treatment to find treatment methodologies that will actually allow him to experience a much higher level of sexual desire, arousal, and excitement. In general, orgasm triggers are a powerful way of doing this, as already mentioned, and the other is to explore the emotional and psychological factors which may be inhibiting the expression of his full sexuality.

Classic psychodynamic therapy is one way of approaching the emotional issues, and cognitive behavioural therapy is another. It’s often been suggested that cognitive behavioural therapy is less effective than deep psychotherapy, because although it produces apparently dramatic changes in behaviour, the underlying factors that may be responsible for inhibiting a man’s sexual desire are not addressed, and will therefore always come into play during sex with a partner. A treatment approach must be eclectic and probably also individually designed for the man concerned.

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Advice for men with delayed ejaculation

If you have delayed ejaculation, your female partner’s most likely to be undergoing deprivation of sexual pleasure, due to the fact that you’re not ejaculating inside her in the normal way.

You see the thing is, you have to understand that the most women the male’s climax during lovemaking is a sign of her attractiveness, an affirmation of her femininity, and a sign that he loves her.

Now all of those things may well be true, even if you’re not actually ejaculating inside her, but I suspect you may well not be discussing the matter with her, which means that doing something to show how true all these things are is even more important than it otherwise would be.

One of the best ways that I’m aware of that you can actually give a woman greater pleasure during sexual intercourse is by ensuring that she reaches orgasm through your skilful sexual technique. To that end therefore I have two recommendations: the first is Jason Julius’s program, orgasm arts, and the second is a website consisting of numerous examples of sexual techniques.

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Entertainment Of All Kinds

So men, knowing how deficient some of you are on the fundamental aspects of the female anatomy, and knowing also how much women like to have adequate foreplay – sufficient to arouse them before intercourse starts – I submit to you a very respectful website which illustrates those essential parts of the female body which you may wish to know a little more about….. in the shape of a glorious collection of clit pics. These will entertain, enlighten, and inform, and you’ll no doubt emerge from a review of the website much better informed about female anatomy than before.

 

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Need Some Dating Tips For Men?

If you are a guy who’s a bit shy about meeting girls, then it’s probably a great idea to get some help from the Internet. There are plenty of programs available on the Internet to encourage you, show you, and support you, as you go out there in the delicate art of dating.

I see the delicate art of dating because a lot of men think that it’s really incredibly difficult to talk to woman, and spent a lot of their lives in a state of high anxiety about the possibility of dating. Or rather, about the possibility of never dating! The truth is, however, that dating is just about being confident in yourself, standing in your own power, and learning a few simple tips, tricks and techniques that will allow you to talk or woman as an equal.

Or, perhaps, not quite as an equal, because what we know is that women are looking to certain characteristics in men, one of them could well be described as a certain level of dominance. Perhaps it’s better to think of this as confidence rather than dominance: in fact, this is probably about being a man standing in your own power, and asserting yourself in a way that women find appealing. I believed for a long period of time now that women actually feel safer when there’s a man around, but some deep primaeval level, and whether or not you agree with this has I believe, a great deal to do with your success in dating.

The point is that when you talk woman in a way that turns on her deepest primaeval instincts, you might politely to be successful in getting a date. In her interest and you are if you behave like a week or feminine man. Now I know that none of us really know how to behave in a way that is powerful and masculine, because we don’t learn this stuff from our fathers — those being the people who should teachers this stuff. As we know it doesn’t happen, and the reason it doesn’t happen is basically because men in our society don’t know this, they can’t pass it on to their children.

As a result, we all suffer, boys and girls, men and women alike, because men are certainly meant to be leaders and powerful men within their own world. that may be just the family, or it may be business, or it may be some wider human stage, but in any event, those men who don’t have the power to be a king in their own land don’t get as much respect from women as other men do.

You may need therefore, to use some dating tips as you go into the world of men and women, sex and romance. One of the things that the Internet has been very good about spreading knowledge of certain esoteric areas of human endeavour, and one of these is certainly in the area of sex and romance, typically, for men at least, about how to strike up a conversation with a woman in her interest. There’s nothing duplicitous or manipulative about this, it’s just giving yourself a head start in the dating game, so that you actually stand a reasonable chance of getting a date and engaging with the woman who is of interest to you.

One of the best sources of dating tips that I know about is the Tao of Badass by Joshua Pellicer. this amazing e-book is available as a Tao of Badass free download, and you can get it by clicking on the link. would you going to find when you click there is a whole series of informational videos and e-book is about how you can increase your confidence and find ways to strike up conversations with women. This includes information on body language, entering into your own powerfully, how to judge a woman’s opinion of you, and many other subjects are essential if you want to take dating to the highest level possible.

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How to control premature ejaculation

Premature ejaculation (PE) is a dysfunction which implies a male ejaculates during coitus too quickly – before either he or his girlfriend want him to do so. Premature ejaculation is also known as fast climax and may be shortened to PE.

Sexologists Dr Masters and Mrs Johnston suggested PE was a male sexual dysfunction where a man reaches orgasm earlier than his spouse in more than 51% of their lovemaking. Currently the most typical description of early ejaculation seems to be that the man climaxes within 3 minutes after the moment of penetration. And it transpires that scientific work by Dr Kinsey in the middle of the last century demonstrated that the huge majority of men reach orgasm within 2 minutes after the moment of penetration in over fifty percent of all coitus.

Rapid ejaculation may be differentiated into 2 or more conditions. That includes primary PE, which occurs from the time a man first has sex, and secondary premature ejaculation, acquired rather later in the man’s life. Rapid ejaculation is additionally divided between “universal PE”, which means quick climax occurs with all sexual partners, during every experience of sexual intercourse, and situational premature ejaculation – which happens with only a small number of specific lovers. You may know that males beginning their sexual explorations will probably come before their partner is ready. And, as you probably know, all men with normal libido climax too rapidly from time to time in their lifetime -for example, when having illicit sex.

As there is lots of difference in how long sex lasts before men ejaculate, and because the pleasures various couples actually want from intercourse are so unique, it’s well nigh impossible to try and estimate the occurrence of PE among men and women generally. Ideas vary from an unlikely low of 6 percent up to as much as 80%. Unsurprisingly sexologists have now begun to form a behavioral way to define early ejaculation. Present data suggests a mean gap between intromission and ejaculation, also called the “intravaginal ejaculatory latency time” or IELT, of approximately 6.5 minutes in 18-29 year olds. If PE is defined with reference to an IELT percentile under 2.5, it transpires that the expression “premature orgasm” is best applied to an orgasm that happens within two minutes of intromission. Nonetheless, it is entirely likely for young men with very low ejaculatory control to be completely pleased about their sexual performance or to have no sense of their lamentable ejaculation self-control.

Likewise men with obviously better IELTs may sometimes consider themselves as rapid ejaculators, enduring inconvenient premature release and sexual dissatisfaction even if the facts suggest otherwise. Click here for treatment. The bodily process of ejaculation consists of two connected triggers: emission and expulsion. Emission is the trigger for ejaculation. It includes the release of seminal fluid from the vas deferens and also vesicles of the reproductory tract. It is accompanied by an exciting feeling that precedes ejaculation. The prostate also releases fluid into the upper end of the urethral tube. Expulsion is the second section of ejaculation. It entails clamping of the neck of the bladder, succeeded by the pleasurable muscular contractions of the perineal and pelvic muscles and rhythmic relaxation and contraction of the exterior anal openings.

It’s a common belief that the neurotransmitter serotonin (5HT) plays a central role in regulating emission and ejaculation. A number of studies on rats have shown its inhibitory effect on male ejaculation. Subsequently, it’s perceived that lower than normal levels of serotonin in the synaptic cleft in specific areas of the brain tissue could trigger premature ejaculation. This theory is additionally given credence by the confirmed efficacy of selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) (which enhance serotonin concentrations within the synapse), in treating premature ejaculation. Motor neurons of the sympathetic nervous system manage the emission phase of the ejaculation reflex, while the second phase is under the control of autonomic motor neurons. These motor neurons are situated within the thoracolumbar spinal cord and work together in a very well-coordinated manner when sensory input reaches the ejaculatory trigger.

Specific parts of the brain, in particular the nucleus paragigantocellularis, have been definitely demonstrated to be linked to control of ejaculation. Scientists have always suspected some genetic causation in certain variants of premature ejaculation. Some evidence exists for this: In one study, 91 percent of sexually active men with global PE had a primary relative with lifelong premature ejaculation. Other researchers have noted that men who have premature ejaculation show a more rapid nervous system response within the pelvic muscles. Simple muscular workout routines may considerably improve ejaculation control for men who have no control during sex.

Many doctors believe PE is attributable to emotional issues such as fear of failure and so on. Sometimes these men might be helped by taking anxiolytic treatment such as or selective serotonin uptake inhibitors similar to sertraline. These drugs may decrease the speed of ejaculation. A different treatment strategy: to use numbing(anesthetic) creams on the glans penis. However, such creams may additionally reduce physical sensations within the man’s partner and are not thought of as helpful.

Premature orgasm should be addressed before any erectile dysfunction. To find effective therapy for PE a prognosis ought to be made using the patient’s complete sexual profile, looking for indicators of intravaginal ejaculation latency time (IELT), and proof of poor ejaculatory control, emotional issues in the man or his partner and misery in either the man or his lover. Rapid orgasm and erectile dysfunction happen in virtually half of males affected by premature ejaculation. When determining the appropriate therapy, it is necessary for the doctor to distinguish PE as “a relationship grievance” and PE as a so-called “syndrome”. This male sexual dysfunction has been categorized into generalized and situational. Just lately, a functional categorization was suggested primarily based on managed scientific behavioral research. Other syndromes have been mooted: premature-like ejaculatory dysfunction and natural variable PE. Solely PE which has existed for years associated with IELT of < 1 to 1.5 minutes ought to be seen as a likely candidate for drug treatment as the primary strategy, along with psychotherapy. Other categories of PE should be addressed with counseling. Early ejaculation is a normal aspect of human sexual response.

Priligy is a short-lived SSRI developed for treatment of premature ejaculation. Priligy is the one drug with any authorization for this use. Currently, it’s accepted in several European countries, including Germany. Dapoxetine is said to considerably improve all aspects of premature ejaculation and typically is safe for most men. Prior to Dapoxetine Anafranil had been sometimes prescribed to treat PE. Some other drugs used to cure PE include: Tramadol, an FDA authorized by-mouth analgesic for moderate pain. It is much like an opioid, is an agonist on the mu receptor, but also is just like an anti-depressant in that it will increase concentrations of serotonin and norepinephrine. Tramadol also has almost no unintended effects, is safe, and increases the IELT by several times better than ninety % of men. Anesthetic lotions using Benzocaine may be applied the head and shaft of the penis and may slow orgasm. Such lotions are utilized “as needed” basis and have many fewer systemic adverse effects. However, use of those lotions may lead to a lack of sensitivity in the penis, and reduction feelings for the man’s partner as a result of the excess cream spreading to her genitalia.

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Delaying Ejaculation

Sexual Adjustment – From Within Ourselves

The key to sexual happiness lies within each one of us, where there already exist all the necessary ingredients for sexual happiness and fulfillment. Part of the answer lies in understanding our own attitudes and knowledge; part of the answer, too, involves our own capacity and desire to change.

Patience, too, is a vital factor, as are gentleness, sympathetic understanding and love that is not bounded only by sexuality, but by respect, trust and admiration as well.

Finally, once a couple has attained the knowledge, understanding and desire to do something positive about sexuality, the final hurdle involves action itself. You must do something positive. You must set your course towards freedom from guilt, from suspicion, from recrimination. Too often, we forget that sex and guilt need not be synonymous. Sexuality, after all, is a normal, vital function which should not engender guilt. Indeed, too few of us permit ourselves to regard sex partly as fun. Yet, if you are mature enough to recognize the real value of sex in marriage, you must also recognize that sex can be light-hearted, funny, and full of laughter.

Thus, to re-emphasize what we said earlier, the key to release from sexual tensions is to face your own feelings about sex.

This is Your Life. We are going to pretend that your early life, experiences and teachings are on a movie film, and that you now have a chance to review that film, to rewind it and re-run it several times over.

Re-run, as it were, that film of your long and intricate sex education and sex experiences. When you review it—and you can, if you are honest and sincere and patient with yourself—you may be able to achieve a kind of wonderful erasure of past mistakes, and in place of them, you may be able to substitute healthy attitudes and emotions concerning sex in marriage.

Premature ejaculation is discussed here.

The Years from Twelve to Eighteen

First, I want to present important ideas that will help newly married and young married couples to look back and understand the teen years through which they have just passed. This will make it easier for them to re-run their memory film and to re-edit it in the light of their present understanding of how things are and how they got that way. Second, I think it is important that teenagers who are engaged now or are contemplating marriage (and even those who are not) understand certain facts about sex—and I am not only talking about how babies are born.

I must admit, though, that in writing for or about the teen years, I know the odds are against me. In all probability, those young people who do not need this chapter will read it, and those who need it most will not.

Importance of the Teen Years. The years from twelve to eighteen are just about the most important in your lives. Up to the age of twelve, you have had very little to do with your own development. After the age of twelve, you play the biggest role in turning yourself into the kind of person you will be most of the rest of your life.

How to have better communication in relationships may come form having better boundaries

In these five or six years, you begin making up your mind about things—or not making it up. This is when you begin crystallizing your attitudes and feelings. With these attitudes and feelings, you will be making some of the most important decisions you can ever make. Books that can give you knowledge about sex never tell you what sex really is. Sex is:

  • exciting and wonderful
  • the basic human relationship
  • essential to life as a whole
  • an experience that, under the right circumstances, will grow and improve with age. To make it grow takes a good deal of effort on the part of two married people, an experience that, under the wrong circumstances, can go sour on you; this takes hardly any effort at all.
  • Sex is not:
  • necessary for health;
  • the only thing in life;
  • the only thing in marriage; the same thing as love.

The Place of Sex in Life.

Because sex is uppermost in the minds of most people, it becomes extremely important for you to determine just what place it is going to occupy in your life. For instance,
Sex can:

  • be the dominating interest in your life; determine who your friends are;
  • determine whom you marry;
  • determine when you marry;
  • determine whether you marry at all.

That is, sex can do these things if you are not the boss but allow it to boss you.
How Sex Is ” Used”. Sex often is “used” by people in ways that do not have much bearing on its original purposes. For instance,

When sex is used—or shall I say misused—in these ways, often it can boomerang. For instance, after a while, no more kicks; it all gets to be pretty much the same thing. Then what? Then you may end up by proving just the opposite of what you intended to prove by your “use” or rather misuse of sex.

Also, when you use sex to express what it was never intended to express, for instance if you use it as a weapon, then it may eventually desert you completely. This is known as impotence or frigidity.

Then how is sex really intended to be used? The answer to that question must be arrived at by each individual for himself—just as each person must eventually answer for himself the question, How do we know there is a God?

By and large, the most knowledgeable people believe that the two great and essential purposes of sex are: to express love for a partner who has true meaning for you in your life outside of sex; and to create children for whom you and your partner intend to be parents in the full sense of the word.

To use sex in these two ways requires two devoted partners who both participate not only in the act itself, but in the decisions for the act and in the meaning of the act.

The Fear of Inadequate Performance

Certainly one of the major tension-causing factors in marriage is fear on the part of one partner or the other that sexual relations will not be satisfying to either or both. Let me hasten to say that this fear is extremely common. It is felt at one time or another by most couples.

Of course, the male reaches climax more easily, so he is less likely to be inhibited by this fear. However, if he reaches climax before his wife, his anxiety may stem from a belief that he is not an adequate sex partner for his wife.

The cases of premature ejaculation among men are so common, especially at the beginning of marriage, that they can be considered more or less normal. Information on how to delay ejaculation can be found here. However, as intercourse is practiced more frequently, this fear of inadequate performance tapers off considerably. Also, men themselves learn little ways to stave off orgasm and ejaculation so that their wives may “catch up” in coitus. Men learn to pace themselves, to slow down when they feel climax imminent, to assume one or another sexual position in which timing will be more compatible.

It is important to remember in this connection that women do not always reach orgasm, nor do they always seek to. Recent studies show rather conclusively that one third of all wives reach climax much of the time, one third some of the time, and one third rarely.

in sharp contrast to the male, who is likely to experience climax most of the time. The point is this: Almost every young married couple experiences fear of inadequate performance; time usually diminishes this fear if couples will simply give each other a chance—a chance to experiment, to fail, to succeed and to learn.

One husband I know was plagued by anxieties concerning his premature ejaculation. He always ejaculated prematurely. The husband actually told his wife, “I guess I’m not much when it comes to stimulating you sexually.” He was discouraged and downhearted.

His wife, a loving, calm, sympathetic person, decided on a course of action. “I decided,” she says, “to apply an old idea, suggestion. So when we went to bed, I reassured my husband gently that in my eyes he was a really virile person and in time this would be revealed.”

After some months the results of her gentle persuasion and suggestion were obvious to both. Gradually, the husband began to feel that he really was sexually competent. As the belief became strengthened, his entire attitude on sex changed, and he was able to hold himself in check until his wife could achieve her climax.

That was five years ago. The couple now has three children. Their sexual life is harmonious; both the husband and wife have become mature people who love and respect each other completely.

The Fear of Pregnancy

I shall never forget a letter in which a young wife and mother said: “We’ve been married five years next month and have four children. I’m afraid that I’m pregnant once again. I’m still young, but I feel old. I’m terrified. What can I do?”

Obviously, that couple had never known of simple contraceptive measures or, if they had known, they had not employed such measures, even though their religion would have encouraged them to do so. There are a great many couples like them, whose failure to seek out the facts about contraception compounds their tensions. In this enlightened day, such inaction is inexcusable

It is important to remember one point. Some couples practice a form of contraception known as coitus interruptus, in which the male withdraws his penis just prior to climax. This may not be a good method of contraception if lack of sexual fulfillment, for husband or wife, results from the distortion of sexual habits.

As a result sex may become distasteful to both parties concerned. Fear of pregnancy takes on special aspects immediately after the first child is born. First, the wife is likely to shun intercourse because of the possibility of an early second pregnancy. Then, too, she has been so busy with the baby all day long that she is too tired to want intercourse. Her feelings must be contrasted with those of the husband.

For the last two months or so of the pregnancy, intercourse was forbidden by the doctor, and also for several weeks after the new mother and baby returned from the hospital. Thus, the male may feel unfulfilled while his wife may be anxiety-ridden and exhausted. Here, many factors can ease the situation. First, there should be a certain amount of discussion about mutual feelings. Then, contraceptive advice should be sought from the doctor. Finally, in this trying “post-baby period”, just as in the prenatal months, the husband may accept manual stimulation (masturbation) leading to orgasm from a wife who he knows will later be ready to return to full sexual relations.

Many people believe that in marriage the cardinal problem is an imbalance between the desire for sex on the part of the husband and of the wife. Usually we hear that men desire sex more often than women and that this throws marital sex out of kilter. True, this does occur. However, very little is said about wives who desire sex more often than their husbands. This also occurs and we will discuss it later on. Many people are unclear on the subject of sex as a release for physical tensions. Does sex really provide such a release?

The Role of Sex in Physical Tensions.

s I have said, sex organs are much like other organs in the body, relatively unobtrusive until they make their needs known. The urinary bladder and the rectum, for instance, make their needs known when they must discharge body wastes. Similarly, signals are transmitted to the brain from the sex organs informing us of the need for discharge of sexual tensions. The actual causes of this tension are not clear, but that it does exist cannot be denied.

The first manifestation of this in the male is at puberty when boys begin having what are commonly referred to as “wet dreams”, when during sleep there is an automatic discharge of semen. This may or may not be accompanied by a dream in which the boy feels a pleasurable sensation at the time of discharge. Girls rarely have this type of dream, at least not as regularly and automatically as boys do.

Another form of release of tension in both male and female is masturbation. I talked about this before and indicated that almost every human being has quite normally masturbated at some time in his or her life. I also said that the most harmful effect of masturbation is the sense of guilt that may accompany it.

There are certain religious groups to whom masturbation is definitely sinful. Persons of these faiths should most certainly seek the advice of their religious counselors concerning this matter. Persons of the faiths which do not look upon masturbation as a sin should still not hesitate to seek counsel if masturbation becomes a problem to them. In any case, I cannot emphasize too strongly that it is not physically harmful. Furthermore, no one can honestly deny that it does release sexual tension.

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